Sometimes you can feel a shift approaching and other times they kind of blindside you. It’s hard to say how this one wrapped itself around me. The last several months have been difficult, low energy and a lot of questioning about where I am headed with my art and business left me questioning the meaning of it all. I spent last year letting go of a lot of personal things and also was working hard on developing my new art style and creating a beautiful line of pillows to go with it. I also had two new lines of dinnerware launch with Lenox that I am so proud of and was contacted by Grace at Design*Sponge about featuring my studio on her blog. All of these great things happened last fall/winter. I thought I had it figured out, I was going to continue developing my own line of pillows and fabrics, I was going to contact high end gift stores, interior designers, lifestyle & interior bloggers and magazines… I was going to be a product designer and artist. Yes! this is my new career direction! I would also continue to nurture and develop my art licensing brand Petal and Light. It feels so good to have everything figured out doesn’t it? Le sigh.
Slowly, the procrastinating set it. I could not get myself to sit down and do what was necessary to sell my pillows. Now, I know I don’t like selling, but there was more to it. I just wasn’t feeling the desire or passion. While this was happening I started getting overly involved with Instagram (see my post about that). This sent me down a dark road of comparison and left me depleted and again not feeling passion for my work. In this darkness, in this absence of light, a lot of questions started to emerge. The biggest questions were, why am I not feeling the passion, where did I fit in and who was I. Lol, no big deal, right?! I kept pressing on with work I had to do and was working hard on procrastinating. No attempts at sales were happening, but I did stop the Instagram insanity. I started spending time outside meditating and quieting my mind. This is were I started to feel the shift. It had been building over the last year and was finally starting to reveal itself. These days outside, these long periods of time with a quiet mind made space for some new energy to start rising up. Now, a little back story about who I am and why I wasn’t living this truth. I am a highly sensitive person and introvert, ever since I was a teenager I have had an overwhelming desire to learn as much as I could about the new age revolution. (we used to call it New Age back then) I loved everything about it and read so many books, practiced, and lived the lifestyle as much as I could. When I became sick, this was the foundation that really got me through the hard times. I didn’t have a lot of support, but I did have my beliefs and books! I have always wanted to incorporate this love into my work and have done that from time to time through inspirational messaging, but it was never a full embodiment of my true love for my spiritual life. I always hid it a bit and I’m not quite sure why. Okay, back to the present. One day, I was filling some print orders. I love selling my art, it always makes me happy to know that someone has connected with me through my art, but I have trouble getting excited about filling the orders. This one day though, I had some mixed orders. Some florals, an abstract and an intuitive painting that had a message connected to it. For some reason I felt so much joy filling that order. I printed a special card that contained the message that I received while creating the intuitive painting. I felt goosebumps all over when I read the card, I took a minute and sent the print and it’s new owner some reiki energy; again goosebumps. I sat there and looked at these different orders and was overwhelmed when my secret little shift made it’s hold on me a little tighter. I equally appreciated the orders, no doubt about that. I just couldn’t ignore what had just happened when I felt fully aligned both artistically and spiritually with my work. This is something that was missing with my pillows, with my dinnerware, with my licensed products.
It’s been a few weeks since this happened. Something else you should know about me is that nothing happens quickly. I think because I have such low energy that the energy coming to me from the universe tends to creep in slowly and in turns leaves me slowly. I have been fully witnessing my shift. I can see it and feel it, I’m just not quite sure how to embody it. The shift is a call from the universe to embrace my spiritual side and share it without worrying about what people will think. To not worry about losing followers, or not fitting in with people that I never really fit in with anyway. I’ve started posting new content on Instagram. I’m not 100% sure of my message at this point, but I just need to start somewhere. I am also developing a line of intuitive painting message cards that I am so excited about. Each painting has a message and will be infused with reiki energy. That’s all I know for now. I have totally surrendered to the will of the universe and am following the signs she puts before me without fear and without the commentary of my monkey mind. I have been living with a fairly quiet mind these past few weeks and it has been an amazing experience to observe. I’ll talk more about that later. For now, I hope you stay with me here. I’ll still be painting and creating new things like before, but with more purpose and meaning. If you can’t stay, I understand that you have to go. We all have our own paths to follow and I let you go with love for our highest good with love and light.