Hello my dear friends, I have been away from my blog for a while… life has been challenging this past year. Someone said to me some time ago that I shouldn’t over share on my blog, if I have the impulse to do so I should walk away and then see how I feel later. That stuck in my head and every time I felt like sharing what was going on in my life, I second guessed myself and walked away. After all, this is a “business” and I should think about what I am putting out there. That may work for some people, but it just doesn’t work for me. You see, everything I have started with a blog. A blog that I shared everything on. I shared my deepest hurts, my horrible health struggles, my struggles with my art and my dreams for becoming the person I longed to be. How could I stop sharing the things that have gotten me here? But, somewhere along the way it became hard for me to share, it became difficult to write my Small Sweet Steps… writing and sharing were not within my reach. I am trying to reconnect with that part of myself, it has been a struggle for sure. This past year has been filled with super highs and deep lows. As you know, business has been great! Seriously, dreams coming true on so many levels it is hard to comprehend most days. What you don’t know is that my marriage has been suffering for some time now and my husband and I made the decisions to part as friends after 8 years of marriage and 20 years together. Yes, 20 years…. hard to believe. Shortly after we made the decision my 44yr old brother suffered a heart attack and has been struggling a bit on his road to recovery. Things like that really shake your foundation, especially when you aren’t in the best of health yourself. So, my husband moved out around Christmas and a week later my sweet little dog died. We also lost our other dog earlier in the year. That’s a lot, right? There are other things too, it’s been really challenging.
Here I am, facing a new life, bound to no one. It is kind of crazy. I spend my days mourning my old life and at the same time I have been opening myself up to the possibilities of a life I never dreamt I could have. I feel like I am starting to awaken from a long sleep, I don’t think I realized how hard things had become in my marriage and how I worked really hard at numbing myself to pain of it all. I talk a lot in my work about thinking happy thoughts and the truth is that it was really hard for me to do with all of my challenges. But now, being on my own for a couple of months I feel lighter and happier. The energy here has changed and it is easier to breathe. The best part of this situation is that my husband and I are helping each other through this. We chose to walk away from this in a loving way with good karma and resolution. I am grateful for that. I am trying to look at life as an adventure these days. I have a lot of healing to do and also, a lot of work to catch up on! I will try my best to be open here on my blog, like I used to be. What is the point of all of this success if I can’t be honest and share the whole truth of my experiences with you. Yes, things look amazing on the surface but, I struggle like you struggle. It takes a lot of hard work and perseverance to catch your dreams and when you do you find that life is a mixed bag of blessings and lessons all mixed together. You find that once you have reached a point on your map, there is a new detour waiting for you…and so is life. It really is an adventure.
Take care, sweet ones. Hugs.